No seriously, this is how to get a hot girl

There are thousands of outlets online that say they can teach you how to flirt better, or improve your cannon size, but seriously, I know how to get a hot girl.

Ready your notebooks boys, here's how to catch yourself a super model.

1. Buy a gun
2. Return the gun. What the heck is your problem psycho?
3. Girls like chocolate. Why? It reminds them of eating it. But don't, give it to them, in the long run, it makes them heavy and then you get asked a lot of loaded questions. Instead, let them know that you have chocolate in your car and they're welcome to go back with you and get it. When they come with you (which they undoubtedly will) and you get to your car, tell them that you must have left the chocolate in your other car, your fancy Porsche car. When you say Porsche, make sure you pronounce it Poor-Sha. Girls love cars.
   
4. Money is good, too, but be subtle about it. I'm going to teach you a trick I've used several times. Write your phone number on a $100 bill and put it in your pocket above your cellphone. When in a bar environment pull out the cellphone when standing in front of a hot girl. This will cause the $100 bill to drop onto the floor in front of her (by accident ;)). At this point tilt your head to the side and stare at her, eyes wide open, until she picks up the $100 and hands it to you. Give it back to her and say "Keep it, I've got more where that came from". Oh, you might want to be actually loaded for this. So far I've done this 7 times, it takes awhile, but I'll get a call soon.
5. I've also heard girls like muscles. I don't recommend using this to your advantage though, because some could have a shellfish allergy.
6. Compliments, compliments, compliments. I can't stress this enough: make sure you compliment yourself several times. Girls love confidence.
7. Girls seem to really like those magazines at grocery stores. Make sure you always have one folded under your arm.
8. Last, but not least, tell the girl all about how well you took care of your ex-girlfriend. This works on several levels: 1) It lets them know that they're not the only one, 2) it lets them know that you've been with someone before 3) and that you know how to take care of people.

Ladies I'm sure some of you are asking, "How do I get a guy?" If you're asking this, you don't need a man, go buy some cats.

Good luck fans,
Anton