The Day of Defeat

I awoke.

After that the usual shower and 3 hours of video games. Not simultaneously. Rather I took on these chores within the order they were addressed. I don't have the kind of technology to play video games in the shower, but if I could, I probably would. Showers are boring. I just look at myself naked. If I could shower and look through someone else's eyes while they take their shower, that would be cool. But I think less people would take showers then.

Around noon I decided to take Price Chopper up on their 8 for $10 Campbell's New England Clam Chowder deal. Turns out the sale was over. Defeat #1.

I got 4 cans anyway. Clam chowder is currently in the running to be my almeal. I just made up the word "almeal" now by combining the English word "all" with yet another English word "meal". The word itself isn't that interesting, but the concept it stands for is bone-shattering.

Imagine, if you can, a single food that meets the following criteria:

1. Fulfills all essential daily nutrients
2. Tastes great
3. Easy to cook
4. Inexpensive
5. Has taste stamina

Stamina is the key element. I don't like spending time on consumption. I see it as a chore. I want a single food that I can eat everyday, for every meal, and not get sick of it. That's where the term "almeal" comes in. One meal, for every meal, for every day: the almeal.

Most foods I've auditioned fulfill the top 4 criterion. For a few days I thought salmon and caper sandwiches would be perfect. Soon my palate started getting delirious from the monotony. "I think this is bad salmon" it would say. "Really?" I'd respond, "I just bought this yesterday". Eventually my palate won, I'm a pushover. After throwing out what was probably perfectly good salmon, I decided to take a break from the almeal quest for awhile.

But.

Today I decided to try New England Clam Chowder. At $1.99 a can I could have two meals a day for around $4. Which would mean I'd spend approximately $28 a week on food leaving me $72 in my food budget to drink myself into a coma. I got the 4 cans of the almeal candidate back to my apartment. Cooking was a breeze. Canned foods just need heat. I put the chowder in a pot, turned on the stove and in minutes I was swallowing chunks of potato and crunchy clams.

Turns out I don't really like New England Clam Chowder and now I have three cans left to devour. Defeat #2.

This is getting long, I'm getting tired of typing and I'm sure you're getting tired of reading. Defeat #3. So for all our sakes, let me sum up the day.

Got a free fish tank from my roommate Josh's dad. Went to buy a heater and a filter assuming the tank was 30 gallons. Turns out the tank is 15 gallons. So my roommate Hans and I bought the more expensive 30 gallon supplies for no reason. Defeat #4. Not only that, but the filter we got requires additional equipment. Our fish excitement limits our in-store reading capabilities. Defeat #5.

Then Hans and I lost our soccer game 3 to 5. Defeat #6.

So what was Anton Beza doing to day? Losing.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Today was actually a good day. I just picked a theme and went with it. Don't worry about me.