Face It

Why does just about everything have a face?

Worms don't have faces, but ants do. So do spiders and bullfrogs. My cat has a face, so do I. Fish have fins, one big body and no arms or legs, but they have a face. Why have faces stayed while everything else evolved away? Also, why are the big three always close together? I'm talking about the eyes, nose and mouth. And how come symmetry always split us down the middle with two eyes and two nostrils, but just one mouth?

I know you've all been asking yourself these questions. Don't worry, you've come to the right place. I have the answer and its quite simple really. Especially when you have a background in Cellular Evolution like I do.

I guarantee that after this lesson, you won't be wondering any longer. So, let's get started.

One of the earliest animals to have eyes was the Planarium. Its eyelets could only detect levels of light, but it had two of them nonetheless. The Planarium survived well because it was able to detect dangerous beams produced by the sun or the headlights of a car, the latter of which gave it the nickname "Flatworm". The Planarium eventually evolved into a fish, which became a pig which begat a human after interbreeding occurred between gorillas and pigs during the Cretaceous period.

Now I know what you're saying "Ok Anton, that makes sense and all, but you still haven't explained why everything has a face". Don't worry, I'm getting to that.The Planarium succeeded where its brethren failed. You're probably thinking the planerium was the first creature on Earth, but that's where you're dumb. You see, the planerium wasn't the first mammal, it was the second. The first was known as the Genisus Exodus. It had no eyes, no nose, no everything. The Genisus Exodus came to Earth on a comet from somewhere in the Alpha Centuri Galaxy around the year zero. This mother of mankind gave birth to four sons: the Planarium, the Sidus Chompus, the Sniffallus Seenwuns Seentweyes, the Lissinupus Bleyendus the Big Lippus and the Little Lippus. Make that five sons, and a daughter; it's easy to forget Little Lippus.

The Planarium was the oldest of the Exodus boys. Second oldest was Sidus Chompus. How come creatures today didn't evolve from the Chompus? Well it's simple to see. The Sidus Chompus had one eye and one mouth on the right. This would cause it to spin in circles when trying to capture a meal like a bird or a gopher. Even if the Chompus was able to gobble something up, it would immediately vomit from all the spinning. Sadly, the Sidus Chompus died from starvation.

Third oldest was the Sniffallus Seenwuns Seentweyes. With an eye in the front, an eye in the back and nostrils all around, he was more equipped than both of his older brothers. The only problem was he never knew where he was going or in what direction he was smelling. Perspective wasn't discovered until the late 18th century so he had no idea he was headed toward a cliff. In fact, he thought he was escaping from it. Sadly, the Sniffallus Seenwuns Seentweyes died from Tuberculosis.

The Lissinupus Bleyendus had a large vestigial ear. Which meant that its ear was the entranceway to its body. It used this ear to consume sound like bats do today. Since only Sidus Chompus had a mouth and he died early on, there was no sound for Bleyendus to swallow. Without any sound to eat, the Lissinupus Bleyendus died from starvation as well.

Big Lippus had big silly lips. These covered his whole body. He died from ridicule.

Little Lippus on the other hand had cute little lips. The only female, Little Lippus spent most of her time shopping for cute nano outfits. I don't remember what happened to her actually. Honestly I don't think I attended that lecture.

Well anyway, as you can see, only the Planarium survived... And maybe the Little Lippus, but no one else. I think the Genisus Exodus died from Botulism or something. So there you have it. We have faces like the Planarium because it evolved into us at an alarming rate.

If you have any other questions, Biology or otherwise, just let me know in the comments. I'll try to get around to all the questions. As you can see I get so many comments the counter reset to zero.

So what was Anton Beza doing today? Dissolving the face mystery.