The Morning Menaces

As day broke the alarm clock checked its tiny watch. A thin smile spread across its vile display. It was time, yet again, to give Anton a parking ticket and force him to arrive late to work.

Maybe if he had taken more care to change my batteries on a regular basis, it thought. Maybe then this wouldn't have to happen. But, in reality, it was the alarm's insecurities and need for attention that caused it to behave so badly. Although, that's a tale for another time. Anyway, the small alarm clock shrieked into the peaceful room, sheparding a stimulus through our hero's slumbering spinal column. Jerked out of the soft abyss, Anton wildly slapped at the darting time piece. It jumped side to side avoiding his attempts to slam the large snooze button, trying to position itself under Anton's hand so as to make the next swipe flick off the power, thereby preventing any further warnings.

Success! With one of our blond bombshell's blind flailings he unwittingly switched the mischievous alarm's power off. As it passed into the unconscious, the alarm smiled one last, evil smile.

"7:59AM". Read the red digits giggling with glee, they too were in on the set-up. "Crrrrraaaaaap!" Spoke our hero into the silent room. You see 8:00AM is the start of a normal work day for our sleepy-eyed sapien. He lay there for a moment glaring at the glowing embers of the jet black alarm clock. Changing positions simultaneously: Anton jumped from his cozy nest as the red digits took on their 8:00AM formation.

The shower head was a cold, heartless, kick-you-when-you're-down, son of a bitch that none of the other spouts enjoyed the company of. The sinks were often kind, or at least tried to be, but they hated their larger, spiteful cousin for he also liked to play games of torture. Shipped from warehouse to warehouse before being picked up amongst several other familyless shower spouts, this metal hunk had a vendetta against mankind. Unlike his domesticated brethren, this shower head was placed into the state system and installed into a wretched dormitory. He had to spray so many people for so many days. New humans every year. Dirty, digusting humans that repositioned it with their filthy human hands. You might be able to see why then, the shower head decided to spray skin killing, arctic water over Anton's nicely warmed, nude body.

With a scream to shatter calcium fortified bones, Anton leaped backwards making an on the spot decision to restrict his morning cleanse to a quick shampoo. As the clock leered ominously, Anton yanked up some trousers, tucked in his shirt and forced his arms deep into his wriggling coat sleeves. He wrenched open the dormitory door and swiftly made his way to his car. His lightning-fast, marvel of modern ingenuity, Ford Taurus LX ( That's LX for Luxury Edition ladies ;) ). The cop magnet was currently parked in a "No Parking After 8:00AM on Weekdays" zone.

Laughing loudly and heartily, Anton took a seat within his finely designed ride for there was no ticket pinned under his wiper. The morning menaces had failed yet again. Well, other than the whole being late to work thing.